SOAP Notes

Yet another installment in the SOAP Notes series.

October 30, 2007
Job 21; Mark 5 & 6

S: Job 21: 7-21 (in parts)
7 Why do the wicked live on, growing old and increasing in power?
9 Their homes are safe and free from fear; the rod of God is not upon them.
13 They spend their years in prosperity and go down to the grave in peace.
14 Yet they say to God, 'Leave us alone! We have no desire to know your ways.
15 Who is the Almighty, that we should serve him? What would we gain by praying to him?'
19 It is said, 'God stores up a man's punishment for his sons.' Let him repay the man himself, so that he will know it!
20 Let his own eyes see his destruction; let him drink of the wrath of the Almighty.
21 For what does he care about the family he leaves behind when his allotted months come to an end?

O: It is significant to note that these words are uttered by Job in the midst of his affliction. They are the words of a devout and faithful man whose family, riches, and health have been taken from him, and who is in a shambles and clambering to keep the faith.

A: I read these verses and am partly shamed, and partly encouraged, and partly angered. It’s a weird combination.

In terms of being ashamed, I see a man who is counted by God as among His elite, a man of such great faith that God has no worries in testing him. And this man, put to such a test, shares thoughts that I have in a life of relative ease. I can’t imagine where my mind, and my heart, and my faith would be if I were in Job’s shoes. If I’m already expressing these feelings, and I’m barely being tested in my days, how lost would I be if God were to push me as far as His servant Job?

In terms of being encouraged, it is nice to see that even a man with the faith of Job, a faith that is unbreakable, falls prey to the same thoughts that I have. So much of my Christianity is a matter of sheer faith. So much of it defies reason and logic, and so much of it even defies empirical evidence. Like Job, I look and see faithless men who live lives so much more robust in appearance than my own. Like Job, I question it. So, in a sense, I am more like Job than I think on first blush. It is nice to know that, even when you become a mighty man of faith, these simple questions still challenge you.

In terms of being angered, I continue to struggle with the unfair feeling that God should pay me for being a Christian. So often I look around at people who don’t live a life of principle, or who operate on principles foreign to me. Many have beautiful homes, glorious women, fancy gadgets, and are carefree financially. They travel, relax, and so on. I spend my time being jealous of what they have, as my wife and I try to figure out how we’re going to make ends meet, or buy Christmas presents, or afford to have another child. And, in this, I feel cheated.

I know this is not fair. I know this is wrong. But it’s how I feel, and it’s a struggle for me. Job has the struggle, in this moment of his weakness, of looking and seeing these men prosper, unafraid of God and without any mind as to why, or how, they got to the place they are.

I am often assured that this will all pay off in the end. I will go to heaven. They will go to hell. My children will be blessed. Theirs will be cursed. Job has the feeling that I have: let’s see justice delivered now! Let these people reap the whirlwind that they sow. Instead of meting their punishment out upon their children, let them be destroyed themselves. And, as for me, let me prosper. Let me have their wealth. Let me feel their joy.

And it’s not easy to walk away from these thoughts. It is not easy to right my mind. I draw my peace from knowing that the upheaval in my life is a digging. It deepens the well from which I can draw water in times of need. I have seen how easy it is to upend some of these people who seem so prosperous. I have seen how their external shimmer hides an internal rot. If I focus correctly, I see that so much of what they have is directed at helping them feel better about their life, which is empty without their stuff. My life may seem empty without stuff, but I have the love of my family, the respect of my friends, and the assurance of a lasting peace. Does that always make it feel worthwhile? No. But it does allow me to see that the process is worthwhile, and that I need to accept it and move through it to meet the goal.

P: God, let me learn from Job. Thank you so much for showing me that even a man of such great faith can struggle with the same secret thoughts I have. But don’t allow me to rest in that knowledge; instead, inspire me to be like Job. Help me to grow my faith so that in those times of struggle, I don’t move away from you towards apparent happiness, but instead help me to perservere for the greater good. Lord, don’t put me through Job’s battles, but Lord, if you do, help me to be faithful to You. Amen.