Got this hilarious e-mail

Sure, it's some hand-me-down chain-mail, but that doesn't change the fact that, had I been drinking a soda while reading it, my computer screen would now be soaked...

I never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.

I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well,
the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We
went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, upscale department store.

I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all.

She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Let's get a pair for each outfit."

We went on to the jewelry department, where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you . she was so excited! She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck! I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual
satisfaction from all of the excitement!

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey. I don't feel like it."Her face went completely blank, as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?" I then said,
"Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're not in touch with
my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she got this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

...Apparently I'm not having sex tonight, either.